Strange Boy With A Photograph

2006-09-07T13:12:03Z

A strange boy with a photograph, or photograph, water polo-ed into my shop this morning with a queer, or queer, request. Now, this boy was youngish, a bit boyish, and indeed quite young. Spontaneously young, judging from the umbilical cord. He opened conversational persiflage with a timid or shy or diffident or queer or queer request:

Strange Boy with a Photo: Excuse me, sir. Is it okay . . . um, I lost my dog. May I, please, sir, put a picture of my dog in your window? In case someone sees him, that is.

Melts the heart like a witch burning, doesn't it?

I let him use the copulatorium gratis. Mr. Dalliard attended to him personally.

Have you seen this strange boy's dog?

Strange Man With Cowlick

2006-09-05T19:44:07Z

A strange man with a cowlick penetrated the gentle pinkness of my shop today.

Me: GOOD . . . MOR . . . NNNN . . . ING . . . G

Strange Man With Cowlick: Good morning.

Me: DO . . . YOU . . . SPEAK . . . ENGLISH?

Strange Man With Cowlick: Of course I speak English. I’m doing it now.

Me: WHAT?

Strange Man With Cowlick: I said . . .

Me: I’M . . . SORRY . . . SIR . . . BUT . . . I . . . CAN’T . . . UN . . . DER . . . STAND . . . YOUR . . . LAN . . . GWUUU . . . AGE.

Strange Man With Cowlick: But we’re both speaking English.

Me: QUE?

Strange Man With Cowlick: What?

Me: Good morning, Mr. What. If I may say so, Archbishop What, you don’t look Chinese at all.

Strange Man With Cowlick: I’m not. I’m British.

Me: Sir, Confucius say: GOOD . . . MOR . . . NNN . . . ING . . .G.

Strange Man With Cowlick: Good morning, I’d like a pair of shoes, please.

Me: Hmm. I don’t understand. Perhaps you could write your request on this slip of a child?

Strange Man With Cowlick: What child?

Me: Curse and woe! The little scallywag chewed through his manacled leg again. There’s no telling where he’s got to. Mr. Dalliard will be most moist.

Strange Man With Cowlick: I’m confused . . .

Me: Confucius say: CONFUSED MAN LIKE PREGNANT WOMAN WITH ITCH.

Strange Man With Cowlick: That’s it. You’ve lost yourself a customer and I shall give my business to a competitor of yours.

Me: Confucius say: NO GRINGOS ALLOWED.

Mr Dalliard! We have a visitor

Strange Boy With A Photograph

Strange Man With Cowlick